Eleven Wise Monkeys

Titters of innuendo often accompany the quip that it was “cold enough to freeze the balls off a monkey”. Which is ridiculous. Firstly, it’s not particularly funny being cold and secondly, in this day and age surely everyone must know that the saying has nothing to do with ones nether regions?

Hoping to catch some balls mid drop

Actually the saying is actually “cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey”. And it involved cannonballs and brass frames for holding them in the days of square rigger (it’s a old fashioned sailing ship – Google is your friend) sea battles involving cannons. (*)

Fortunately though the day itself was not as f f f freezing and the riding pleasant enough. The scenery on the first day is so different to the usual Western Cape fare, and seeing I wasn’t racing “balls to the wall”, I could enjoy it! 

Ominously lush vegetationWhere water is meant to pool (If you look carefully at the floating bridges you should see four riders. One only evidenced by the splash!)

Now to the scenery. Or at least the flora part of it. Compared to the Western Cape it’s lush around these parts. Ominously lush. We already had a thunderstorm and downpour last night in Glencairn, but the real story of today is not one of cold but one of deluge. Kind of deluge that allows Giant ferns to flourish. And Bear Grylls to cower. 

The afternoon at MacKenzie Country Club passed pleasantly enough. Although the weather was very changeable. Sunshine and warm one minute, followed by cold spells. Jersey on, Jersey off. A portent of the night to come. 

During the night the terrors came in the shape of a storm that would have easily knocked those balls off a brass monkey. 

Captains log – 02h12. Raining so hard and for so long that the noise on the tent makes sleeping impossible. 

Captains log – 03h03. I am starting to wonder whether I am facing my third cancelled cycling event.

Captains log –  04h41. The rain continues unabated. Our vessel, tent #166 has had her water column capacity exceeded as the rain now weeps in through every seam on the fly sheet. We’re taking on water with sleeping bags, pillows and sheets now soaked and water logged.

Captains log – 04h55. I’m abandoning ship. Heading for the dining tent along with the rest of the field. 

Captains log – 04h57. The temps keep dropping, Umko is going to be mess and quite frankly, this is supposed to be fun, not ‘Man versus Wild’. Haven’t seen rain and temps like this since the cancellation of the last stage of W2W

Captains log – 05h26. Rumour in the rain refugee tent, I mean, mess tent, is that the entire stage has been neautralised. Jolivet apparently just as wet. I don’t see a single pro-rider risking their bodies or their bikes with that offer.

Captains log – 05h35. Astonishingly, it’s raining even harder now 😳 Guess that explains the lush vegetation

Captains log – 06h35. Race update. Shortened to 70km. Neutral all the way to Jolivet. New start time. 08h00. No batching. Leave at own discretion before 08h30. Riders must complete transition stage to qualify for a result. …do I really need another finishers medal? 🤔

3″ of rain – on the floor inside the mess tent

(*) Ok, ok – it’s just an (old fashioned) urban legend. There are origin and scientific issues with the saying. But it really was that cold last night! https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/explore/what-is-the-origin-of-the-term-brass-monkey

I’m sitting at a table overlooking the ocean. The smell of pizza delicious in the air. A half drained Windhoek draught in front of me. The happy burble of full restaurant all around. This one filled with Mountain Bikers filling themselves. This is why we cycle – guilt free, indulgent eating! That and of course, top class events like the Sani2C. With perfect weather, fantastic organization and a great partner it’s just an amazing experience. What a privilege. 

Larri and I did a good job out there today. We finished a fast and furious 80km stage is just 3h13m – thanks to some hard work into the wind and a generally downhill route. Which resulted in a 9th place on the day! Every day we improved our GC standing (all teams) finishing 183rd, 136th and 107th over the three days.  And we moved up to 10th in the Mixed category overall. Top 10 in her first stage race? Well done Larri!

Off the 700 odd starting teams, 663 completed the race. Of the 664, 99 were in our Mixed category. More interesting, we would have finished 6th in the Master Men  (50+) category. For which, dare I suggest, we could have entered. 

Top 10 finisher at Scottburgh
 
The story of the day was the Elite Men’s race. Not so much for the actual racing but, in my opinion anyway, for the spectacular head-over-wheels by Konny Looser of second placed team EAI Wheeler. 

The Sani is famous for is floating bridges used to cross fans, rivers and – at the finish – the lagoon. The bridge is probably 400m long, 900mm wide and not all that stable. To make it more interesting the last 100m narrows down to around 600mm. Which is fine if you see it coming. If not – disaster. 

Of course the race leaders are chafing hard – even here where overtaking is impossible – and right on each other’s wheel. Konny didn’t see the narrowing coming. Splash! Came in for a bit of stick as he eventually crossed the line!

Not Konny, but you get the idea!  

The cool thing about the floating bridge is that the drama keeps the watching crowds very actively engaged. It not the same watching riders cover the last 100m to the line – there is real drama for the fans. Larri and I sat watching for around 45 minutes  and saw what must have been between 12 and 15 riders splashing in with most doing a marvelous “head-over-wheels”.

The last day’s scenery rounds off the journey through the sugar cane fields and fast flowing riding. 

Sweet treats 

Approaching the coast 

What a wonderful opportunity to exist for a few days in a bubble so unrelated to our day to day lives. To selfishly focus on just one thing – riding your bike. #GottaRide. 

Today’s ride (race?) from McKenzie farm through to Jolivet is arguably the finest stage of any race. A detailed survey (I asked a couple of friends) confirmed at least that it is the best stage in South Africa. 

The opening scene 

Leaving McKenzie at first light the route heads  for Murray’s Meander and Nicks Pass which take you along the edge and then down into the Umkomaas Valley. With spectacular views of the river far below – if you sneak a look, and kilometers of smooth flowing singletrack that take you down it is a joy to ride.

 The spectacular Umkomaas valley  

 
Provided of course that you stay on the bike. A rider directly in front of me took a sharp left a little sharply and tumbled head over heels down an embankment. Luckily only a couple of meters and he was fine. But it could have been more dramatic! 

One of Larri’s friends, Nic, was helicoptered out of the valley, apparently in a neck brace. He fell on a straightforward flat section – wth an awkward gully to his left. Around camp there are a number of walking wounded with one lady riders nose a rather unattractive shade of Methiolate! 

Nic’s gully  

But in the positive side – the mood in the camp is festive after an amazing day on a bike. A mood contributed to by the incredible facilities here at Jolivet. Upgrades to the permanent structures have been made which have to be seen to be believed. So here you are :-

Camping among the trees  

Shower block – with tiles!! 
 

Coffee lounge.  

Our ride today was much more measured than yesterday.  Instead if belting out the blocks and fading later Larri and I rode consistently and ended up improving our stage finish by 50 places, coming in around 135th overall! Job done for the day!

Done and dusty  

As I write our luxury coach claws it’s way past the 18 wheeler we have been stuck behind for the last half and hour or so. The roads here in rural KwaZulu Natal are sinuous in both the vertical and horizontal plane making for conditions blind rises and corners, so overtaking is tricky at the best of times but for these mega-vehicles it’s even more so. So the two and a half hour – by car – journey is going to take a good three and a half hours. I wonder again why I am here after deciding to not again participate in the Sani2C mountain bike race due to the challenging logistics. But hey, it’s an air conditioned luxury bus this time. Which beats the 5 hour journey in a clapped ou school bus I enjoyed last time! And we’ll arrive just after lunch. Not in the dark. So perhaps….

Anyway, it seemed like a good idea 6 months ago when Jayson asked if I would consider partnering with a friend of his from Sydney who was keen to cross the globe and experience this highly rated race. So yes, of course. Would love to! Fast forward to last night, trying to pack while fielding various work crises, a home work project crisis, a bathroom renovation project crisis and a mid-life crisis. Fortunately though I have a marvelous and understanding wife who helped me find the stuff I had had in my hands only moments before, tend to the kids stuff (most of it at least) and help close a race bag that was being alarmingly difficult about the matter. 

And that’s not the only reason I can be grateful for her understanding. I had of course discussed the opportunity and received the requisite bike visa for the race before accepting. It was then about 3 months later that Laura discovered that Larry was actually Larri. As in – a girl. It was a small detail that I may have (completely inadvertently) omitted to highlight in the negotiation process!

As it turns out, it isn’t the first time I’ve ridden in a mixed pair (boy/girl). Laura obviously has confidence in my fidelity. Or she thinks I have the attractiveness of a Fiat Multipla and the pulling power of an Uno! (And yes, I have been reading  Jeremy Clarkson recently. No tut tutting in the back row please. He’s been fired. We must get over it!)

Not a stud car
  

So what lies in store over the next three days Three days of mountain biking nirvana, that’s what!

The Sani, as its generally referred to, is extremely highly rated for its mountain bikey-ness, with long sections of not just singletrack, but dual singletrack,  smooth ground, floating bridges and fabulous scenery. And it’s generally downhill to the sea!  Such is it’s popularity that Farmer Glen hosts not one, but three events in succession. The Ride, The Adventure and The Race – all in all about 2100 teams! That’s 4200 riders who make the pilgrimage to enjoy the tracks that have been crafted to link Undeberg at the foot of the Sani Pass with Scottburgh on the coast. Sani2C. Geddit?

Google’s more or less guess at the route shows some scale  

The slightly revised route is a bit more balanced nowadays with similar daily distances (80km, 90km, 80km) and starts on Glencairn farm rather than in Underberg. So it’s even closer to the Sani Pass. Glencairn farm was recently acquired by Farmer Glen which is what farmers do I guess. Although this “farm” seems pretty dedicated to hosting the start of the race. The facilities were sorted out just in time bit seem to be really good. 

Arriving, the meeting and the briefing 
So I knew Larri was a girl but I met her for the first time at the race registration.  So far so good as they say! She rides a lot. A lot more than I do – nothing like Strava to put ones efforts into perspective. But hopefully we will be more or less evenly matched. 

Right now though it is far too cold to keep my hands out the sleeping bag and typing. As the sun dipped – rather early in these parts of course – the temperature began to descend like Jayson on a downhill. It’s predicted for 3 degrees overnight but it feels that it’s approaching that already – at 8.30pm. So more about Larri and GottaRide tomorrow.