“Hi, my name is Derek. I have a cold.”

“Glad to meet you” they say, backing away nervously.

Cycling etiquette demands that you declare the objective hazards you bring into any group right from the outset. One of the sure fire ways to ensure your isolation is the common cold.

It is much more fun though to announce you illness after you have shaken hands with everyone. Suddenly each riders own hand is their personalized mortal enemy. As they step away, their hand lifts away from the body as if pulled by an unseen thread. Eyes flick nervously.

One rider smiles and pulls out some instant hand sanitizer. Everyone else is immediately on the backfoot. “If only I had some of that.” you can see them thinking, mind spinning. One or two head for the restroom for soap and sanitization. They won’t be back. Why risk it.

It only takes a few moments – as defined in the manual on polite handling of awkward situations – for the rest to realize that the lucky ones have fled the scene of the contamination and to follow suite.

And there you are. Alone. Sniff.